Momentum

E perditshmja

Sot jam ne rradhe! Cudi se si ndryshon koha, dimensioni e gjjthshka tjeter qe perben ate c’ka rendom e njohim si te perditshmen! Nje etikete kaq modeste mund ta vendosin vec kush e ka jetuar cdo dite. Une, ti e shume te tjere nuk mund ta shquajme ne kete forme.
Per mua eshte rrethi i fundit i lumturise, aty ku dua te kaloj cdo dite deri ne ate te fundit. Le te vertitem, le te perseriten castet, mengjes, mbremjet – aty dua te mbetem.
Pee mamane e djemve, Aug dhe Okt, kjo qe po jetojme eshte e barazvlefshme me frymen e fundit – zjarrmine njerezore para ndarjes nga jeta. Ka me te vlefshme se kaq?
Kush e di me cfare mund ta krahasosh ti! Ndoshta per ty nuk ekziston nje vije paralele me kete mrekulli.
Jam ne rradhe, pres te marr letrat qe do te shenojne pikenisjen time, pikenisjen tone, dhe nje here prej fillimi. Ka kaq shume rradhe dhe zhurme – por jam e lumtur. Askush vec nesh nuk mund te gezoje ne nje te tille rremuje – jete! Jam duke i kaluar oret ne kembe, por e qeshur, shakatore. Me terheqin zerat e pjesmarresve ne rradhe, jane te rinj – te padegjuar per veshet e mi; jane te larte – por serish nuk mbushin dot boshllekun e krijuar ne qenien time gjate kohes nendhé.

Sa ndryshojme une dhe ti, po kaq te ngjashem jemi me ta ne vizionin e madh te Universit per ne.

Rradha ecen ngadale, po une do te pres, mund te shikoj yjet, dhe nje here, nje dhe nga nje!

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Cfaredo

Daily Prompt: Elevate

Elevate – Your soul to the sky leaving behind ego and dispair.

Elevate – Your hands towards mines holding us together no matter, any matter.

Elevate – Your yesterday dreams towards new frontiers, to stand above not just but survive!

Elevate – Your being! You are not just “you”, you are him, his and ours – to the rest of these ordinary hours!

Iva Rrapollari (Verzivolli)

via Daily Prompt: Elevate

Momentum

E kam me ty!

E kam me ty!

Po po e kam me ty!
E kam me ty miken e ngushte qe qendron pas cdo te fshehte time,
E kam me ty bashkudhetarin tim, te shkuar, te sotem e te ardhshem, e kam me ty per hir te asaj qe do te ndajme bashke.

E kam me ty hijen qe me je veshur tash’ kaq e kaq vite, duket se pa ty nuk lindem e duket se me ty vec rritem.

E kam me ty vetveten time, armiken e heshtur betejes me te cilen nje emer nuk i ve dot.

E kam me ty kritiken qe ftohte me veshtron se largu duke nenqeshur.

E kam dhe me ty, me ty e me ty qe u ndame rrugeve, ne heshtje, tretur!

E kam me te gjithe ju, nje fjale! Faleminderit per ate qe me late, me dhate, me moret e ate qe s’mundet te me jepnit dot!

Momentum

Short news

I have a new hobby! I have started to collect burnt matches, those that have already accomplished their mission successfully. I am collecting them envisioning myself, one easy Sunday, sat on the  reading corner building a house with a roof.

It would be a bad idea to kill time with this hobby now that I am actually writing. It would be a real satisfaction, but I lack the Sunday tranquility, the peaceful reading corner state of mind. 

As you might have noticed from my updates, I am mostly engaged in writing sections rather than reading. I have set reading aside, not because of the lack of desire … I  believe you remember what I already wrote  you on the books. Well, we won the polls! The winners were those who want the  “underground children” to believe that this way of living is a decent one, at least for the time being. Some of the parents have started to avoid my presence. They judge us as the ones preventing their children from a natural right – that of information and knowledge! It sounds funny to me! Is it even possible to have a “right” or “wrong” down here?!The fundamental constitution, approved unanimously is “survival” – to the limits of  unconsciousness and humanity!

There is nothing to complain – we have  food, water and hygiene. Oh, we have flowers as well, friendly insects also!

After one of his mysterious disappearing, dad confessed to me that he has ensured an escape opportunity for the four of us. I am still confused on whether I should be happy or fearful. Silently I am digesting the news by simulating different versions on how this story might come to an end.

The girls are fine, they are together on top of everything!
P.S.

It is an unreasonable tentative to make this letter look like an ordinary letter written from a wife to her husband!

Momentum

E shkurter

Kam filluar te mbledh shkrepse, te gjitha shkrepset e konsumuara, ato te cilat e kane kryer denjesisht detyren e tyre. Po i mbledh duke perfytyruar veten, nje te djele pushimi, ulur ne tavolinen e kendit te leximit dhe duke ndertuar me to nje shtepi me cati.

Ndoshta nuk do te ishte keq qe te kaloja kohen edhe tani me to, madje do te ishte nje ide teper terheqese, por me mungon qetesia e nje te djele, harmonia e kendit te leximit.

Sic mund ta kesh vene re, me se shumti jam duke shkruar. Leximin e kam lene menjane, jo se me mungon deshira … E mban mend besoj se c’te shkruajta per librat. Epo fituam ne! Ne, te cilet duam qe femijet e nendhese te besojne se kjo eshte nje jete dinjitoze, te pakten he per he. Disa prej prinderve kane filluar te me menjanohen, ne gjykimin e tyre jemj duke u munguar nje te drejte te natyrshme – ate te dijes! Hah, me vjen te qesh, por vetem nenqesh! Po ku ka nje ”

te drejte” apo “te zhdrejte” ne boten e nendhese?! Ketu kushtetuta themelore, aprovuar unanimisht eshte mbijetesa – pa arritur ne kufijte e cmendurise!

Ne fund te fundit, ushqim, uje dhe higjene kemi! Ah po, kemi edhe disa lule, insekte miqesore gjithashtu!

Babai, gjate nje prej zhdukjeve te tij plot mister, thote se ka siguruar nje rruge per ne te katert. Nuk di ne duhet te gezoj apo trembem, di se ne heshtje po e pertyp duke stimuluar qindra versione se si mund te ndodhe e perfundoje kjo siguri e tij! 

Vajzat jane shume mire, mbi te gjitha jane bashke! 

P.S.

Kjo ishte kot, sa per ta bere kete leter te duket si nje leter e zakonshme qe nje grua i shkruan burrit te saj! 

Momentum

Maja me e larte e qytetit tim! – The highest city peak!

 

From years now I wander around to identify the highest peak of this city. I want to find it, get to know it, get used to it as if it were my home path and once I will find myself at-home, climb it.

It is not a matter of challenge. My mind is convinced that by climbing the highest peak of the city my soul would be purified by unnecessary wastes of noisy egos, lost trials, mixed feelings that have made their way to becoming staggering and other unclassified waste categories.

If I close my eyes and picture myself on the top of this peak, chances are it might be the roof of a palace, a multi star hotel or any kind of institution roof, I see myself with open arms circling around with a free sight. I do not see it necessary to have a pair of binoculars; with my soul map into my hands are already know where to drop my pins – the places where I left traces along my journey – the places from which something I have taken or something I have left.

My vision is worn with an innocent smile when I move around the streets of my childhood neighbourhood. This is the place where I learnt to play with the bouncing rope, Albanian game of “worlds”, hide and seek and many others more. Strangely enough, I have been thinking and came to the conclusion that these childhood games are not just simple games; thanks to my way back I had the opportunity to see my friend athletic abilities, the geographic knowledge of the girl living next to me and my sister diplomatic know-how.

I pass through the yard of dreams, hopes and disappointments – even though, the smile on my face is still there – thanks to the growing up endeavours we learnt the mysterious and infinite language of feelings.

Here I am on the third floor of the building, in front of the parents apartment door, the place where it all took place – the girl with the black and white uniform, the girl with a mini, the girl in short hair, the girl with makeup, the girl with a bag, the girl in a white dress…

It seems I have to give an end to this trip and open my eyes- it almost looks like an epilogue – whilst as a matter of fact, I am still looking for the highest peak of this city!

https://wordpress.com/me

Prej vitesh sorollatem per te gjetur majen me te larte te ketij qyteti! Dua ta gjej, ta njoh, ta mevetesoj si te ishte rruga e shtepise sime, e me pas kur te ndjehem e sigurt dhe e qete ta ngjis.

Nuk behet fjale per nje sfide, perkundrazi, ne mendjen time kam krijuar iluzionin se duke e ngjitur do te cliroj mendjen dhe shpirtin nga mbetje te egosh te pashuara, perpjekjesh te humbura, ndjenjash te perzjera deri ne agoni dhe shume te tjera lloje te paklasifikuara mbetjesh.

Nese i mbyll syte dhe perfytyroj veten mbi kete maje, e cila mund te jete tarraca e nje pallati, e nje hoteli shume-yjesh a e godines se ndonje institucioni, shikoj veten krahe-hapur duke u rrotulluar me shikim te lire. Mendoj se nuk do ta kem te nevojshme te perdor dylbi; me harten e shpirtit ne duar do te di te hedh veshtrimin ne ato vende ku ka lene gjurme rrugetimi im – ne ato vende nga ku dicka kam marre apo diku kam lene.

Natyrshem me vishet fytyra me buzeqeshje kur pershkoj rrugicat e lagjes sime te femijerise, aty ku mesova te luaja litar, topa botash, kukafshehti, e shume te tjera. Paradoksalisht, nuk kam shume qe kam menduar se keto lojra te femijerise nuk jane kaq te thjeshta; permes rikthimit kam arritur te dalloj aftesite sportive te mikut tim, njohurite gjeografike te komshies perbri apo potencialin diplomatik te motres sime.

Rrembyeshem kthehem ne oborrin e endrrave, te shpresave dhe zhgenjimeve e cuditerisht buzeqeshja eshte ende ne fytyren time – Embelsisht mesuam gjuhen e ndjenjave permes perpjekjeve per tu rritur.

Me pas ngjitem pak kate, aty ne deren e prinderve te mi, nga ku kane nisur te gjitha rruget e mia – vajza me perparesen e zeze dhe jaken e bardhe, vajza me mini-fund, vajza me floket iriq, vajza me tualet, vajza me cante ne dore, vajza me fustan te bardhe …

Me duhet ta nderpres kete torollisje e te hap syte pasi gati – gati po me duket si epilog, kur ne fakt une ende jam ne kerkim te majes me te larte te ketij qyteti!

Momentum

Priceless …

via Daily Prompt: Priceless

What priceless could be defined in this world of high consumption?!

Priceless! – Those tiny first baby steps towards your kneeled adult statue.

Priceless! – A home-door opened from within after a stormy day.

Priceless! – Silent whispers cuddling your nights waiting for the morning breeze.

Priceless! – Sweet memories assaulting your present pain and diverting it to release.

Priceless! – Two hands in hand shadows, sharing the same street.

Priceless! – The magic opportunity granted to you and to me to exist and coexist in eternity!

 

 

Momentum

Encapsulated…

Encapsulated, I enjoy my trip amongst the most vicious days of this rainy period. I have read, more than once, that those rainy days are considered as the richest instances for a creative writer. Instead, to me, these are the days of terrific migraine attacks and no productivity at all.

My endeavour is long but joyful – I have come across a number of frontiers, barriers, waves and deserts, but in crystal clear ways I have managed to go through … sometimes going deeper, sometimes emerging towards the sunlight. I have always tried to show no fear, despite my low self-esteem strikes. It is not easy to show yourself to the world whilst fighting your own personal battles which happen to be long and devastating.

For instance, once I decided to make myself known to as many people as possible was almost 10 years before. Here I am, only 10 years after, making my introduction into this blog. This is one of my battles, which I consider myself as a master – yet not a winner. Who knows, maybe few days after I might come up with the brilliant idea of shutting everything down.

Yet, I have to share the joy of being here today! Despite my worries, my anxiety, my long list of common human troubles, I found my tiny corner in the network of dreamers.

Please, follow my boat at https://ivaverzivolli.wordpress.com/ as there is more to come!

Momentum

34th letter 

I have been told a thousand times when I was still running in pyjamas around home that troubles do not come alone.

I am sitting here, where once was the hall, thinking about her words. Yesterday, Lil told me exactly – “Dreams are only you whispering to me at night.” I do not know what she meant by that, I only know that here I am with an addition to my trouble list.

We have been hearing that some peace declaration papers are being signed, but yet, we can still hear magical fairytale fireworks over our heads. My father keeps telling me that the end is almost here and the instat when we will be opening these gates is just behind fall dates. He insists! I do not believe! Each time we have this kind of conversation I check my ray of hope. She is always there dancing in the air, pointing to the smoke and building shapes with the darkness. She keeps smiling! I start feeling better! There must be a Master in this Universe that keeps her in motion for better days. Dissapointing her seems such a universal cruelty that feels irrational to me.

I will keep you posted as soon as I find time! In the mean time I will be focused in explaining several phenomena that occurred the last 48 hours. I won’t write to you about them until I have a clear explanation. I do not want you to worry about non sense events that here might bear huge importance for the peaceful continuity of our coexistence.